Peace of mind is priceless
I believe that peace of mind is priceless and an important tool in anger management is basically a CBT principal that I have adapted into my own philosophy. I believe that when we allow anger to take hold of us it can gradually destroy us inside and then move outwards to those around us, even to those whom we love.
I believe the facts are as follows, that you cannot alter how people behave around you, and you cannot alter situations that happen. However, the only thing that you can ever alter is your reaction to them. I need to qualify those remarks further, it is not entirely correct to say that, because you can influence some people, some of the time. It is also true that you can influence some situations, some of the time. Once again the only thing you can totally influence all of the time, is your reaction to them.
Think about this, if your happiness relies on people and situations being a certain way, then you will only ever be happy when people behave in a way that you have decided that they should behave. By the same token, you will only be happy when situations turn out in a way that you have decided that they should turn out. Therefore, the reality is that you are limiting your happiness purely to chance, meaning only during those times when your rules for the world are adhered to by others or circumstances.
So what is the answer? The solution begins with you deciding instead to have preferences rather than absolute demands, and then choose to accept life as it is, especially when you have no control over the situation, then you are choosing to protect your sanity. Of course you don't have to like it, but if you cannot calmly influence it or change it, then I believe that you are left with only two choices. One is to accept it, even if that means just for now and maybe you can influence it later, or you can decide to get angry about it, shout, scream, have a tantrum, smash plates, hold a grudge, constantly moan about it or maybe even get an ulcer.
Ask yourself this important question, if none of those negative and anger-filled responses is going to actually change the situation, then what is the point? In the end what is more important to you? Still trying to get your own way when it's out of your control, and when it's obvious that all your anger-filled efforts are going to be futile. Alternatively, you could maintain your health and sanity by choosing to be as happy as life allows at that time, but still reserve the right to influence what you can in the future. I believe that it is really important to put your sanity and piece of mind above a sense of injustice, regardless if you have right on your side or not.
The one thing I have learnt in my psychotherapy career is that everyone really does view the world from a totally unique perspective, and on one level most people would understand and agree with that statement. However, if I ask people the question "Do you realise that everyone thinks differently to you and sees the world in a different way?" Most people's response to that is to agree that is true, but when they judge peoples' behaviour they judge them with their own personal set of rules and regulations as if they are the only ones that could ever make sense. When judging others it is not unusual to hear the very words "I wouldn't do that", which of course from their unique perspective they would not do so. Yet, if they were the other person with that persons very unique point of view, then their actions would be making perfect sense to them, otherwise why on earth would that person deliberately be doing something that did not make any sense to themselves. Obviously there are occasions when some folk do deliberately wind others up but that I believe is a separate issue.
So summarizing for the sake of your sanity, even if your point of view is valid and maybe would or would not be supported by the majority, you need to influence calmly what you can and accept what you cannot. Hopefully, understanding that regardless of the right or wrongs of it, the other person is only doing what makes sense to them, so what you need to do is to, find a way of letting go of it and make your sanity a priority. You don't have to like it or condone it, but on some level you do need to accept it, even if that acceptance is temporary until the time comes when you can change things.
By Keith Davies-EvansAbove is the original article published on "Ezine Articles" On June 04, 2011
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My philosophy for peace of mind
AT A GLANCE
1. You cannot alter people around you.
2. You cannot alter situations around you.
3. The only thing that you can ever alter is your reaction to them.
Just to qualify those remarks :
1. You can influence some people some of the time.
2. You can influence some situations some of the time.
3. The only thing you can totally influence all of the time is your reaction to them.
If your happiness relies on people and situations being a certain way then . . .
1. You will only be happy when people behave in a way that you have decided that they should behave.
2. You will only be happy when situations turn out in a way that you have decided that they should turn out.
Therefore you are limiting your happiness purely to chance, meaning only during those times when your rules for the world are adhered to by others or circumstances.
The solution begins with
If you decide instead to have preferences rather than absolute demands and choose to accept life as it is, especially when you have no control over the situation, then you are choosing to protect your sanity.
You don’t have to like it but if you cannot calmly influence it or change it, then I believe that you are left with only two choices.
1. Accept it, even if that means just for now and maybe you can influence it later.
2. Or you can decide to get angry, shout, scream, have a tantrum, hold a grudge, moan about it or get an ulcer.
But if none of that is going to actually change the situation, what is the point ?
Ask yourself this, in the end what is more important ? . . .
1. Still trying to get your own way when it’s out of your control, and it’s obvious that all your anger-filled efforts are futile.
. . . Or
2. Maintaining your health and sanity and being as happy as life allows at that time and reserving the right to still influence what we can in the future.